Incase you are wondering, I write more when under duress. Sorry ‘bout that. If this is normal or not, I don’t know. But there it is. It always starts with my journal. I busily scribble down my thoughts, trying to wade through the good and bad and see where it takes me. Sometimes something brilliant (ha) comes out of it and it turns into a blog. Sometimes it turns into a short story. Other times it’s just utter nonsense.
Right now I am journaling from a tattoo parlor. Sitting here in a very uncomfortable position waiting for a friend who needed a shoulder to lean on while she got some ink. I’m in Ballard, one of my favorite places in Seattle. Pretty much on the party central portion of Market Street. Only I’m sitting here typing and listening to Slim Shadey and the White Stripes while enduring the bzzz bzzz bzzz of other peoples pain, instead of partying. ‘Cept I’m bzzz’ing too. ‘Cause ONE glass of wine got me this way. Cheap date, I know.
This is a sad time for me. With the wine and the journaling, I’m just letting myself feel it. A friend passed away today. She was an amazing person. Very wise and loving. I’m sad she left before I could see her again. Sad for her daughter, whom death won’t be quite as easy to digest. I mean, it’s her mommy! That and it’s the ten year anniversary of my niece’s death. Sigh.
Sure, all of us will die someday, some sooner than others. This, I know. But my mommy is dying as well. And I was *so* mad at her for a really long time – a little guilt there, you know it. But I’m not mad anymore. For once I can look at her for what she was, the strong woman who shouldered through a ton of diversity and difficult relationships, even if she did need a crutch or two. Still needs a crutch. Don’t we all? Who am I to judge?
This too will help me in some way, though I’m not sure just how yet. I have been able to write more honest and angry than ever. More gory and shocking. Keep in mind I’m on -> that side of shocking and gory. There’s something for that, I guess. The “shocking” story, titled “Baiting For You” will go up on Smashwords the same time as the old one, “Half Past One,” gets put back up. I’m aiming for end of June.
So what is “Baiting For You” about? I’d say the title is pretty revealing lol. I’ll keep you guessing.
Raise a glass for me, toasting the good and the bad, the past and the present, the here and the now.
And maybe? Give someone a hug for me. I need one, that’s for sure.