Eight Things Not To Do When Grieving

Have you ever heard of the five stages of grieving? Did you know that this process can begin *before* your loved one passes? I think I already figured that out. What would be good to know is how long this is supposed to last. ‘Cause, you know, it would be good to *not* make any more of these stupid mistakes.

  1. Don’t open a door equipped with weather-stripping over your foot, while you’re thinking deep thoughts. On the cheery side a good pedicure before doing something this stupid will hold on your toe nail three out of five times until it grows out. At least, that’s how it worked for me.
  2. Don’t call a child’s friend’s mom when you wake up from a nap. Sleepless nights worrying about your loved one will make naps necessary. Do still take naps. Just put down the phone until you are properly awake. Now Bunny Wabbit’s friend’s mom has accused me of being an alcoholic – no, of being wasted when we spoke. Geesh.
  3. Don’t respond to Facebook posts until you’ve had not one but two cups of coffee. I managed to answer a group message when it specifically said *do not respond to this post* causing myself all kinds of embarrassment. That sleep deprivation? It’s affecting how long it takes me to wake up too. Sigh.
  4. Don’t pass judgements until you’ve asked questions. I got this text from one of my family that we don’t hear from often. I immediately got defensive and lost it. Called my sissy and vented, which she took in stride, patting my back through the phone lines. Only to find out the text was an offer of help, not at all what I thought it was. How embarrassing.
  5. Email is a no-no. Well, it’s necessary. But maybe write your responses, then save them to your draft folder. Wait at least 24 hours before you look at them again, maybe even going through the added security of having another sane adult read them first. I sent off a response to the mom of Bunny Wabbit’s friend, explaining what is going on in my life (mom dying, naps, yada yada) and apologizing. She decided my plea was in fact an admittance of guilt and is refusing to let her daughter talk to mine. She’s pulling her kid out of our school because of it/me/my kid. Holy hell there are a lot of crazies out there.
  6. More Facebook etiquette. Read every post carefully, confirming you know the person who you are responding to a post from. There was a heart-felt request for advice from a friend of a friend. I didn’t do what I just mentioned and offered my advice – only to realize I don’t even know this person. More embarrassment.
  7. Don’t take on more than you can chew. This is hard to do when you are the power of attorney et al, but I’m learning. I will send off the emails backing out of the PNWA’s Summer Conference in a few hours. This makes me very sad. I love volunteering there, love the atmosphere. But my head just isn’t in the game.
  8. Eating carbs alone does not a healthy diet make. I know potatoes are the only thing that taste good. I know that oatmeal is the ultimate comfort food, and that corn chips can be accessorized with salsa to make them healthy-ish. But remember the other food groups – well, always. I’ve begun to experience facial inflation from eating like this. Inflation is always bad, but I’m taking it personally when it’s in my face, you know?

Do you have more things to add to this list, to keep me from future mistakes?


4 thoughts on “Eight Things Not To Do When Grieving

  1. Those are all good, but remember to forgive yourself for doing all of those things. Its a stressful time! I’m sorry. And geez, that lady is such a wack job. Your kids are probably better off without a nutter like her around.

    • Thanks sweetie. I keep asking myself why we keep finding this kind of person. Are we crazy magnets? Can they smell my crazy relatives on me? No, I’m not talking about anyone reading this ;-).

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